What to do When the Sex Stops

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It’s often expected that in most relationships the sex between couples becomes less frequent over time. Studies show that the age at which sexual issues arise is lowering, with more couples in their 20’s and 30’s expressing concerns.

A decrease in sex can be due to conflicts within the relationship, an overly busy lifestyle, lack of desire, and health issues. First honestly assess whether your dry spell is brought about by an overwhelming work schedule, children, financial concerns, medications, excessive porn use, anxiety, stress, heavy alcohol or drug abuse, or another factor.

Here are some tips to incorporate into your life to help fan those flames again.

Don’t panic. The sex drive ebbs and flows, increasing and decreasing, with many variables playing a part. It does not necessarily mean that the love is gone. 

Make your own sexy time. Take your pleasure into your own hands, literally. Sex with a partner is wonderful and an important part of a relationship, but it should not replace some self pleasuring habits. We attract when we aren’t seeking outside of ourselves, and coming from a fulfilled place is very attractive. If you are the partner withdrawing from sex, you’ll find that the more sexually fulfilled you are the more your arousal cycles will increase. 

You are still an individual, even while in partnership. It’s wonderful to have a partnered mindset, and to have considerations based on their needs. But it’s also important to take care of yourself and your needs and desires as an individual. Follow through on hobbies you enjoy or have always held a curiosity about, and take time for self-care. In essence, do things to make yourself feel good! 

Open the lines of communication. Healthy, open communication is essential to a happy relationship. That means setting aside a good time for you both to chat, listening to each other and communicating openly in a non-judgmental way. 

Remember that desires change. What we like sexually can change, and it’s not always easy to broach the subject of new desires with one’s partner. If you’re not sure where to start, passing along an article on the topic can be a great conversation starter.

Make time for intimacy. I’m not talking about sex. I’m referring to touching, cuddling, kissing and connecting with one another. Intimacy fosters feel good chemicals in the body and the bonding hormone oxytocin. Through more intimate time together, you’ll be cultivating connectivity that can translate to fuel for fiery bedroom time! 🔥